Always
by CryssieM
Summary: this is how CoE should have ended IMO Jack/Gwen


I wrote this one-shot fic a week after TW: CoE, now I've decided to post it.

**Title**: **_Always_**  
**Disclaimer**: The show and characters belong to BBC, I just borrowed them for fun.  
**Spoilers / Timeline**: the last scene of Ep.5,_ Children of Earth_  
**AN**: this is how S3 should have ended in my opinion. :)  
Thanks to Chris for betaing this baby. x

_  
__- Are you ever coming back, Jack?__  
__- What for?__  
__- Me! ... It wasn't your fault.__  
__- I think it was. Steven and Ianto and Owen and Tosh and Suzie and... All of them. Because of me.__  
__- I have lived so many lives...time to find another one.__  
__- But they died, and I am sorry Jack, but you can not just run away. You can not run away.__  
__- Oh yes, I can. Just watch me._

_Watch me._ She couldn't do that. She couldn't watch him vanishing out of her life. Grabbing his arm, holding onto him tightly, she turned her head toward Rhys and mouthed the words "I'm sorry" just before the light engulfed her and Jack.

Jack couldn't believe his eyes when, materializing on the cruise ship, he saw Gwen beside him.

"Gwen!! What the hell have you done?!!?" he shook her, "Are you out of your mind?"

"I couldn't let you go..." she sobbed desperately, "not with the thought that you might never come back..."

"Do you realize what have you done??" he yelled, " You've just lost Rhys. You can't go back!" then he added exasperately, "I don't know if I ever can send you back."

Gwen was still sobbing. "I couldn't let you leave without letting you now..."

"What? Is _that _important enough to ruin your life??"

"Jack, this baby...it's not Rhys's."

He searched her eyes, not catching her drift.

"It's yours."

"Wh-what??" he furrowed his brow in shock, the anger replaced with confusion. " But we didn't..."

"_We did_," she stated quietly. "You just don't remember. I saw it done that you don't remember it," she looked away to avoid his glance. "I didn't want you to. All I wanted was having a memory of you and I..."

"But when? and how?" he uttered, recovering from the initial shock.

"Remember when Ianto was away during the Holidays to visit his cousin?"

Jack nodded. They had been alone in the Hub, but apart from working, joking and laughing together, he didn't remember anything else.

"Do you see why I couldn't let you leave forever?" Gwen asked desperatedly. "I needed to know that you come back. I'm carrying your child, Jack. I hadn't planned it though, but..." her voice faltered.

"Are you sure it's not Rhys's?"

"Absolutely," came the firm answer. "I hadn't been with him near that time, and all the calculations indicate that it conceived that night with you..."

"The night that never was," Jack noted bitterly, not looking at her.

"I'm sorry," Gwen sniffed, bowing her head in shame, "I hadn't thought it would have consequences..."

"So our child is a bloody accident of the night that you took even the mere memory away from me," he snorted, almost yelling."I wonder if you have ever thought of aborting this pregnancy," he frowned.

"Don't say that!" her eyes welled up, "I never thought of that!"

"I remember your look when we learned about it in the Hub. You didn't seem to be overly happy first."

"Jack," she hit his chest in exasperation, "why are you talking like this??" huge teardrops escaped her eyes.

"You want to know why?" he retorted sharply. "You _really _do?"

Searching his anger-filled, dark eyes, swallowing the hot tears, she bit her lip and nodded.

"From where I'm standing it seems like you didn't want me to get involved in all this! You didn't dare to come to me and ask what I thought of the idea of you and me for a night, you retconned me to forget the night that might have been a treasured one of my life, and have been keeping the fact that this baby was mine in secret... Are these reasons enough??"

Huge tears were rolling down on Gwen's cheeks at his words; her heart was just about to break.

"I had Rhys, you had Ianto; sleeping together would have brought only heartache and guilt. I didn't want that. I didn't want to hurt anyone," another sob shook her body. "All I wanted was you for a night..."

"It didn't even cross your mind at all that I might have _wanted _to remember??" he burst out. "No matter what followed?? That it had been worth for me even if I would have experienced hell after?"

She was staring at him with shock in her puffy eyes. She opened her mouth to reply, but no word came out.

"I always restrained myself from grabbing you and kissing you senselessly. I've never acted on my longing for you as you had Rhys. It was so hard to stay away from you and pretend that I didn't care when all I wanted was to get lost in you completely. Had you asked me if I wanted that night, you must have gotten a positive answer," his eyes, darker shade of blue in disappointment and and accusation, pierced hers. "I have lost against Rhys long ago," he admitted indifferently, "I couldn't have had you any other way."

"Jack..." her hand sneaking into his, she squeezed his fingers gently, "I love Rhys, but not in the way I love you."

His breath failing him, he wondered if he really heard what he thought he did. Confusion mirroring in his eyes, he looked into her glassy brown pools, searching for answers to his unasked questions. Her gaze held his, and his heart sank at the pain and exasperation he discovered through the sparkling tears in her eyes. _Was it true? She loved him?_

There hadn't been that many people who loved him during his hundred-something years. His past provided enough reason to be so. The recent team of Torchwood was a miracle - the family he hadn't had for long. Or _ever_. First Ianto, now Gwen - two awesome persons, both innocent, strong and so human, and they both took the risk of loving him. Not just fancying him, but much more, offering him real, pure human feelings.

His heart still sank whenever he thought of Ianto, and he feared of experiencing the suffer of losing someone else again. That would have been too much.

However his mind pulled him back from loving again, exposing himself to another heartbreak, his heart and lonely soul urged him to follow the longing for her love - the love he desperately needed. Ever since he laid his eyes on her, he couldn't get her out of his mind. During the years of working together, he realized she was what he had missed and craved. She was the missing puzzle of his life, the one who made him complete.

Holding her gaze, his fingers brushed her lips gently. His heart was throbbing faster in his chest as he leaned closer slowly. She shivered of the contact - she had missed his touch so much. Memories of that certain night flashed through her mind - every single touch and kiss, every little sound came back so vividly that they made her body tingle. Knowing the magic he could do to her, the sweet, intoxicating journey to the land of blissful pleasure, which only she remembered, she was longing to go down that road again.

His lips being only an inch from hers was an unbearable torture. Jack moved closer ever so slowly, with the first time's tentativeness, before finally closing the gap between them. Welcoming the familiar sensation, Gwen closed her eyes, enabling her senses to feel him again. Back then their kiss was fierce and demanding, this time it was about exploring the new experience - at least what Jack was concerned - and the exciting novelty it brought to their relationship. Cupping her face tenderly, Jack tasted her ever so cautiously, intending to savour every little bit of this new sensation. His lips caressing hers sensously, a wave of unknown tingle rushed through her body. His kiss felt both familiar and new. The Jack she had slept with was driven by passion and fire, this one on the other hand took the time to explore her with full of tenderness. Gwen couldn't decide which man did she like more.

After the initial slow motion both of them longed for more, and soon they were kissing minutes later Jack suddenly broke away, staring at her in wide amazement.

"What's wrong?" asked Gwen.

"Nothing... It's just..." he smiled in pure awe, "I felt the baby kicking..." he placed his hand on her bump.

She chuckled and covered his hand with hers. "It's restless, just like its dad."

Jack grinned and squeezed her belly. "It's amazing..."

She flashed him a happy smile. "It is. Are you still mad at me for having followed you?" she asked in a lower voice.

He sighed, "No." His face turning grim, he added, "But what now? I can't send you back to Cardiff..."

Gwen grabbed his hand, "I don't want to go back," she stated firmly.

"But Rhys..."

She bit her lip and sighed, "I love him truly, but can't live in a lie. I couldn't go on without you in my life," she gazed his eyes pleadingly. "Not anymore._ I need you._ Never needed anyone this much," she tightened her grip on his hand.

Inhaling deeply, he tore his glance away from her as reality striked him. He had just run away from everything that meant life on Earth, to take a break, forget and find himself again. He had told himself that escaping would have helped to heal the wounds of his heart and stick together the shattered pieces of his weary soul, but now that Gwen was here, holding his hand and revealing her secret and how she felt about him... His life turned up-side-down in a minute and ever since the tragedy in the Thames House, for a moment he felt human again. She was the key to his salvation.

Looking into her eyes, the fear of rejection in those brown pools was heartwrenching. Stroking her hair, he nodded, "If that's what you really want..."

Relief flashed through her face. "I want you in my life," she whispered.

"But are you aware of what you are giving up if you stay with me? I can't promise you a house with white picket fences. I'm not someone to settle down and lead a normal life. I can't promise you absolute faith, I'm not a monogamous man. I love you, but I _can't _change."

"I don't want you to change. I love who you are - with all the imperfection. I don't want to change you. And I can deal with not being your only lover as long as I know you care for me."

Her words touched him. This beautiful woman was ready to give up everything considered to be normal and expected in a relationship according to the 21st century's norms just to be with him.

"_Always_," he whispered, locking her eyes, before kissing her gently.


End file.
